I’m already excited for my next #1GAM game! Can i tell you about it? Alright, I will.
It will be for several consoles, and able to be played across all of them at the same time. Which consoles? The WiiU, PS4, the new Xbox (I don’t think I’m allowed to share the name yet), the Dreamcast, original Famicom (sorry NES owners!), and the most powerful console of all: the Atari 2600.
It will feature not quite photo-realistic graphics, supporting (literally) infinite colors and sounds. What will the gameplay be like? Don’t worry about it. Gameplay is only there to keep you addicted to the game, whereas we all know that games should be about the graphics and effects like lens flares. Games should be full of hour long cut scenes that make you cry and then throw ten thousand zombies at you so you forget about crying until the next cutscene.
Does all of this sound too good to be true? It gets better. A game this fantastic must have a fantastic price to match, right? Wrong! I’m entirely embracing the f2p model. What does this mean? It’s free to play! Your payments are welcome, but paying nothing at all will get you access to the full game! (or at the very least, eht tsrif enecstuc) Did you like that parenthetical statement? that’s a preview of an alien language in the game.
Well, I need to get back to my limo. My secret sponsor is sometimes impatient. Who is it? That’s a secret!